There’s a song by the Goo Goo Dolls with this line in it, “The end of fear is where we begin – The moment we decide to let love in.”
I’ve heard it sung many times. Words, powerful words. But up until now, I hadn’t really “let love in” fully.
Rumi says, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
I woke up to a barrier I have built against love this past weekend.
The way I look for those barriers is to ask myself where I’m not feeling in harmony in my life. Recently, I’ve picked up on how I react when a friend cancels our plans together to do something.
This reaction has been going on a long time, but it took me awhile to actually want to do something about it (that self ownership thing – it’s easier to blame the other person).
My reaction was to get angry, say they aren’t keeping their word, etc. and underneath that, I’d feel disappointed, and had a very visceral sinking feeling in my chest. I would push it aside and tell myself it was o.k. to do things alone.
This past weekend I decided to get to the bottom of what was happening.
Thru the guidance of my mentor Elaine Alpert and a workshop she facilitated over the weekend, she helped me see that I have an unconscious, underlying belief that others don’t care about me.
Each time a friend would cancel, the sinking feeling in my chest was the belief making it’s statement, “See – others don’t care…”
I then told the Truth: that others do care – a lot.
But there was more – something deeper and even more profound.
As I was sitting in a meditation at the end of the workshop, a very clear, conscious, knowing statement was said from my wisdom/higher self/truth. It was one of those moments of clarity like when you hear a bell that is perfectly in tune being sung and it lingers in the background afterward like the glow of a sunset after the sun has set.
The words were, “Let others love you more.”
Tears welled up in my eyes when I heard it.
I realized I haven’t been letting love in fully from other people – more so from my family and friends. I would let it in to a certain degree and then it would hit this invisible wall of protection just before entering my heart.
The wall said, “Don’t let it fully in or you’ll get hurt.”
There’s my barrier to fully receiving love: a fear of getting hurt.
The fear was stopping the love entering like a retaining wall holds back the water that nourishes the plants down stream.
I left the workshop with a new intention and a new purpose in life: to let others love me. To fully feel the love of each person enter. Not deflect it, not run from it, but stand in it. With both feet. Heart open.
I know I’m hitting the mark because tears are welling up in my eyes as I write this.
Thank you to all the people who love me and see me. I stand in my new intention and purpose as a flower stands to face the morning sun. It feels scary and powerful.
What is the barrier your heart has built from fully experiencing love? Would you like to change that?
Categories: Heart Centered Living