I remember the first time I did any kind of art as an adult. The last time I did it I was in the 5th grade. I use to love it. It was my favorite part of school.
It was the part of school I found myself lost in – in a wonderful way. I remember feeling happy and excited. I remember feeling in love with what I was doing.
But I stopped doing it. “It was childish,” I told myself. “Art is what artists do, and I’m not an artist,” I stated with absolute belief and conviction.
I didn’t return to it again until 30 years later. I remember it with absolute clarity because it was a major turning point for me. I was at a small cabin in the mountains of Montana shortly after I started on the whole soul searching journey. I sat there in candle light with 5 other women and across from Eve.
Eve came up from Colorado just to facilitate this retreat with us, and she was the first one to say, “There’s more to you than you think.” She put the paper in front of me, laid out all the coloring supplies on the table and began to sing. The old part of me said, “This is f….. crazy.” But the new part of me that was waking up said, “Holy crap, you can do this.”
I stared at the paper. I stared at the paints, the crayons, the colored pencils. I didn’t know where to begin. I felt a knot in my stomach. I was terrified. “What if I can’t draw?” “What if she laughs at me for what I create?”
Wow, did it bring up my junk. My beliefs of not being an artist. Of not being creative.
I took a deep breath in and reached for one of the paint brushes. I didn’t know what color I’d start with. I just picked up the brush and then let it wonder to the colors. I picked a color and let it wonder to the paper. I let my hand paint. I let my hand paint.
That was the moment. The moment that I first experienced what it was like to be creative, to let life/spirit/source move through me, instead of “being in charge” or “being in control.” The fear subsided. The knot began to relax.
I dipped into another color, and another. I was in love once again. In love with that moment. With being right there, with Eve, with the other women. I found my voice and began to sing with Eve. It was poignant. A moment I will never forget. It brings tears to my eyes to remember.
Thank you Eve, wherever you are, for providing the perfect amount of encouragement, space, guidance, and love to help me find my creativity and believe in myself once again.
I now do art regularly. I love it. I have 1-on-1 clients do it while working with me as well. And it’s a part of the Word of the Year project I encourage you to do. This one here is hot of the press for my word of the year: SENSUAL.
You have creativity within you too. I KNOW THIS. It’s not a belief. It’s truth.
4 steps to finding your creativity:
- Take time to BE. All the doing takes you away from your creative energy.
- Believe in yourself. You have it within you. It’s only your mind that says otherwise.
- Set aside 30 min. with simple art supplies. Lay them out on a table. Let your intuition guide you to the color, to the shape, to the texture. This is a non-cognitive process! Be o.k. with the not-knowing of how it will turn out (that’s a tip for life too).
- Ask the inner critic to take a back seat while you are in this process of exploring. She/he can come back later, but this is time to allow, to surrender, to create. You are making something that has never existed before – how amazing is that?!
For a weekend of exploring your creativity and what is possible within you, take Angela’s Living Beyond Belief Weekend Retreat coming up Feb. 21-23. Space limited to 12. Art is a part of it!