What Happens When I Don't Talk for a Week

What Happens When I Don’t Talk for a Week

February 12, 2014

The first time I went to a silent meditation retreat in 2003 it was for 10 days. I’d never meditated before, much less for 10 days. And the most horrifying part going into it was knowing I couldn’t talk to anyone for 10 days.

Would my head implode? What would I find in there?

I survived, and it was the most powerful and hardest 10 days of my life up to that point. I remember thinking after it was over, “If all the world leaders did a meditation retreat, the world would be a different place.”

I still believe that. It’s more of a knowing actually, after attending 8 retreats now.

Every retreat experience is different, every one is profound, and every one leaves me lighter, more happy, and more at peace than I was at the end of the last one. The one I just returned from was no exception.

Why? Because there are layers of me that peel away at each retreat. What I mean by that is that there are layers of beliefs and perceptions that fall away each time. The beliefs and perceptions that keep me thinking of life in only one way, when there is a whole other way of seeing the world. The beliefs that cause me angst, anger, frustration, resentment, and much more.

When the beliefs fall away, those emotions fall away too. It’s a wonderful thing.

So I go sit in silence. Why silence? Because when all the distractions are taken away, all that is left is your thoughts. When you have intimacy with your thoughts you begin to see what isn’t true that’s running through your head. You get clarity. Unbelievable clarity with a capital C.

As I settled into the silence last week, I connected more with myself – my essence to be more specific. I had a steady flow of intuition flowing through my mind – and I could hear it because there was no other distraction.

What I experienced was a “knowing” – a knowing that goes beyond words or anything the mind can understand. A knowing that life itself is the meaning of life. A knowing that there is no need to worry about ANYTHING. A knowing that I am a part of everything around me.

This is the kind of clarity I’m talking about.

I couldn’t experience this without my teacher Matthew, who I’ve been studying with for 5 years. He gives us teachings 2 times a day and we meditate afterward on what was discussed. He knows exactly when to push, when to back off, where you are stuck, and what to say to help you see clearly. He does it all because he wants you to be free from suffering. And he lives off the donations from his students – for over 20 years now. Truly a gift of love.

I never knew what gratitude really felt like until I began working with him, and it comes up so strong now that it overflows into tears. Gratitude for him, the teachings, my path, and the wonder of life.

I’m in total awe of all of it. That’s exactly what I feel right now. It’s what I left this retreat with. In awe and in love with life.

I also had a moment last week where I felt in my body the strong pull to help even more people be free from suffering – it was an almost painful pull. Like something greater than me was at work. I get that feeling a lot – that something greater than me is at work through me.

Because it is… I’m not the one “driving the car” of my life ultimately. How liberating!

Watch the trailer of the movie “With One Voice” that was produced and written by my teacher Matthew Flickstein. It will give you a sense of this “knowing” that I talk about.

Categories: Meditation & Mindfulness

My passion, my calling, is for you to be totally you. Through private coaching, in-depth retreats, and online group coaching programs, I help you tap into your intuition and clarify your desires and vision, I guide you to take active steps toward making your desires a reality.

4 comments to “What Happens When I Don’t Talk for a Week”

Patrice
February 14, 2014 at 1:27 am

Wow Angela, you’re making me want to go on a silent retreat! That’s something I never thought I’d want to do, but I’m actually thinking more and more about it. Very cool! Thanks for sharing!

Love, Patrice

Reply
1. angela patnode
  February 14, 2014 at 5:35 pm
  
  You’re welcome Patrice! A retreat is truly a life changing experience. I highly recommend it!
  
  Reply
ABC
September 14, 2018 at 7:51 am

I am a college student. I talk very little and only whats necessary. Day be day, I am talking to myself more and more and less to others. I am far from my family and good friends and rarely talk to my parents even, but I love them. I have great dreams to achieve in my life, unfortunately I fail each time and anger comes out. Sometimes my mind becomes depressed and I often listen to music. Is this habit of being alone and working alone good for me?

Reply
1. Angela Patnode
  September 19, 2018 at 10:36 am
  
  Hi Shibendra, My heart is with you. I have done the same thing in the past – withdrawing within because it can feel more safe than interacting with the world (and less painful). To answer your question of “is being alone and working alone good for me?” here’s what my heart guides me to say, as human beings we are hardwired for connection with other people. We need it to thrive in life. My guess is the depression is coming from the isolation. At times it’s helpful to take solitude and retreat, but as a lifestyle it can have difficult consequences over time. I encourage you to reach out to others through the activities that you’re passionate about. Look for clubs or groups that like to do the same things you do, or an acquaintance and meet for lunch. Or take a dance class – it’s a great way to have social contact without having to talk much, but do something fun and listen to music! You’re heart is asking you to take these steps. You can do it. I believe in you. With love, Angela
  
  Reply

Work With me

Angela is a wonderful person to have in one’s life. She is a loving, supportive presence that has been very valuable.

Danielle, Big Sky, MT

The most powerful skill I have in my life now came through my work with Angela: the ability discern the difference between the voice of my ego (fear) and the voice of my higher self (love)

Shelby, Three Forks, MT

Angela is a pleasure to work with and the best cheerleader. She is willing to meet you where you are and sees no limit to your potential growth. At the same time, she’s able to be truthful, even when you’re denying your own truth, and make you examine it fully.

Maureen, Woody Creek, CO

“Angela had the wisdom and ability to communicate the simplicity of living your truth. She took a problem I’d faced for years, narrowed it down to one belief, and showed me how I created it. Then she helped me ‘uncreate’ it. Brilliant. I wish I had met her 30 years ago.”

Natascha, Escondido, Ca

I know there are plenty of apps and impersonal meditation resources out there but nothing compares to the power of working directly with Angela. I am feeling renewed, positive, focused, and self-empowered and am thankful for this journey.

Jen, Bozeman, MT

Through working with Angela, I am able to wait to react to situations until my initial emotional response has had time to cool. I am able to see actions and interactions from someone else’s perspective much more quickly and easily and to value that perspective instead of dismissing it.

Rainy, Livingston, MT

Deciding to work with Angela was one of the best things I ever did for myself. From finding celebrations each day to realizing that we have life habits that slowly need to be changed to fully loving ourselves and others unconditionally and everything in between, this program made an impact on my life.

Rita, Bozeman, MT

The biggest thing I learned from working with Angela is to listen to my anxiety and also to surrender. I’ve also learned that there are times to push forward and times to let go and let others help you.

Kelly, Helena, MT

Prior to working with Angela 1-on-1, I was trying to fit myself into what I’d believed life “should” be, which left me lethargic and unhappy. My life now has a lot of positive and new, as a result of the clarity I developed while working with Angela. Together we uncovered what was true to me.

Sasha, Driggs, ID

Prior to working with Angela, I was feeling trapped in a job that didn’t suit me. I couldn’t make sense of my discontent, because I made good money, helped people, and had great coworkers — what was not to love? I was depressed and suffering from stomach issues, and my personal relationships were suffering. Angela came into my life just when I needed her, and she helped me to see that life isn’t about what I “should” be doing, but instead about what speaks to me. Her grace and compassion allowed me to give myself permission to follow my heart.

Danielle, Bozeman, MT

Everyone deserves to work with you! Your work, your presence, your wisdom, your energy is amazing! You were a tremendous help in the beginning of my life transformation journey, and since I started working with you, even though in the beginning it was sooo uncomfortable (to feel my emotions), life has enfolded in a way I could never have imagined!

Vladka, Bozeman, MT

Before I started the program, I was feeling a little lost and confused. Life was changing without my approval. I wasn’t sure what I needed to do or where I could go to figure it out. I just knew something wasn’t “right”, but, unsure of where to turn.

After working with Angela, I see every day in a new light. Or, maybe I should say, with a new light. Angela opened my eyes to many things that I never imagined would help. It amazed me how I felt like things were starting to “change” after only a couple sessions.

The program has really helped me to calm and stop the anxiety. It was a great investment in me.

I find myself taking more time to enjoy life! I find more time for living instead of doing. I see my steps instead of just getting to the “finish line.”

Jaime, Rancho Cucamonga, CA

Before I started working with Angela I was feeling very insecure about myself, questioning life and whether I could trust myself in making important decisions.

For years, I’d been searching for a program that not only spoke to me but worked.

I tried several methods, including different types of therapy, exercise, books, and medication, and they certainly played a part in my change but they just weren’t enough. I knew that there had to be something different for me.

When I committed to Angela’s program, I had real, tangible, long lasting changes. Now, when my mind goes to that insecure place I’m able to recognize it for what it is and either stop it in it’s tracks or work my way through it. I couldn’t be more happy.

Jamie, Bozeman, MT

I was feeling stuck in my life, not sure of where I wanted to go, afraid of losing my marriage and not being able to raise my teenagers.

After working with Angela, I’m now more confident, grounded, and happy than I have in my entire life. I am more trusting in the unknown. I feel more confident I am doing the right thing.

I feel more able to be in the moment. I worry less about the future. My kids seem more relaxed. My marriage is more peaceful and enjoyable.

I am more clear about my desires, and I am more able to take time for myself without guilt. I am trusting more than ever in my life, the power of a source greater than myself to guide me.

Mary, Great Falls, MT

Before working with Angela, despite my life being circumstantially “fine”‘ I was feeling “stuck” and living with a very guarded heart.

While working together, I found myself more awake and alive and open to life and the people I love and truly care about it. I had been living in my head way too much.

I now have a centerdness, a calmness and a way of mindfully responding to sometimes stressful situations instead of mindlessly reacting to them. Angela gave me the tools to live in a much more peaceful manner.

Ken, Bozeman, MT

Angela’s commitment to accept me and provide a supportive, open perspective helped me see that my mind kept me in patterns of fear. From our work together, I’m not so ingrained in those patterns. I’m feeling the confidence that has always been within me to step through fears and live the life I want. She has made a tremendous impact in my life.

Evette, Bozeman, MT

After taking the 1-on-1 program with Angela, I feel more at ease with myself. I am more open and patient with myself and with others. My life is different because I have learned the tools to become less reactive, more mindful and more loving with myself.

Lois, Bozeman, MT

Angela is truly a gift in the work she does. She holds space for you to work through things and is there to hold you accountable in a kind, gentle way.

Tami, Bozeman, MT

The 1-on-1 program has changed the way I view the world and my life! I am more connected to my heart and my intuition, and have more of a sense of possibility. I have more trust that things will work out.

Sarah, Bozeman, MT

Angela made it possible for me to live more out of my intuition and truly savor each unfolding moment more than I ever have.

Kristen, Bozeman, MT

Angela taught me such valuable tools for accessing my authentic and truest self. I’m remembering to breath more, pause more before I react, and, best of all, I’ve become more gentle with myself. What a gift to the soul!

Jamie, Bozeman, MT

With Angela’s caring guidance, I was able to become more aware of my feelings and where they were in my body. I am now able to listen to and trust my intuition and take action when it aligns with my true self. I have a clear sense of vision for my next career and am taking steps toward this vision with the attitude of imperfect action.

Mariah, Bozeman, MT

After working with Angela, I’m happy to be me as I am now, and so curious about others as they are at that moment as well. I experience so much less stress and so much more joy!

Rebecca, Big Sky, MT

Angela reintroduced me to meditation, journaling, and just being present. She showed me how asking “what is true” can lead to clarity. Now I am able to come from a more peaceful and grounded place.

Cheryl, Alder, MT

Angela helped me to see my belief of not feeling worthy, and provided me with the tools to dissolve this belief. By becoming aware of how this belief caused my actions and reactions, I am finally able to own my decisions without feeling inhibited by what others might think.

Shannon, Bozeman, MT

Angela’s guidance and encouragement in the practice of meditation has been paramount in this journey towards inner peace and self-acceptance. As reflected in her name, Angela has given me wings, for which I am forever grateful.

Robin, Bozeman, MT

Angela is a beautiful person and inspiring and supportive coach. I feel more peaceful, more connected to myself. My purpose is gradually unfolding and I continue to invite and embrace more fun and intuition into my days.

Heather, Bozeman, MT

In her 1-on-1 program, Angela suggested practical, intuitively-based assignments to help me stimulate my own intuition and remember the love for others that I had long ago buried. My sense of zeal in the spiritual adventure has been awakened.

Chrysti, Belgrade, MT

After working with Angela, I have opened up to the idea of pursuing my passions, finding the courage to leave my job to take one that more closely aligns with what I want to do with my life.

Courtney, Bozeman, MT

Before working with Angela, I had entered a prolonged period where I felt like I had lost control of my life and that I was racing from minute to minute and day to day just to accomplish my work.

Because I was under considerable stress from a demanding career, I didn’t have any energy left for my children, wife, or friends. And most importantly, my own physical and mental health were suffering and I was becoming perpetually irritable and unhappy.

Angela provided me with a number of tools to help me transition out of a feeling of helplessness and provided a safe environment for me to discuss how I was feeling, allowing me to re-establish my life priorities.

Daily meditation especially has had a profound positive effect. Since beginning with Angela, it has increased from 5 to nearly 30 minutes a day and the resulting inner peace and calm I have felt with introducing the practice into my life is nothing short of miraculous.

The most important change is that I feel more relaxed and in control of my life. I have learned to set boundaries with my work so that I can spend meaningful (and stress free) time with my family and with myself. I continue to meditate on a daily basis and I use this time to focus on my mental health. I have learned to slow down and enjoy each passing day.

Christopher, Bozeman, MT