4 Steps to Creating Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries. The word that carries some weight to it. Perhaps some fear. Even some dread. NO, NOT BOUNDARIES. “Yuck”, you may think or “Oh crap, I could really use some boundaries, cause I have none.”

You wake up in the morning and check your phone as soon as you role over. You check your emails all day on your phone, texts received and send, phone calls. You react to each one or at least some of them. You feel weighted down.

Your friend calls and says, “How about lunch at noon?” You say you’d love to even though you’re committed to something else just prior, and you know she/he usually runs 1/2 late anyhow.

You say yes to most, if not all invites to social gatherings, events, work projects, or volunteer time.

You have a co-worker, friend, lover, or client who says inappropriate or sometimes even abusive language to you. You think, “I’m suppose to accept and love this person as they are.” So you keep receiving it.

You feel weighted down. You wonder where your “you” time went. The time when you use to feel relaxed and at ease. When you knew what you wanted and what mattered to you. Hmmm…

Boundaries. They’re really important. I use to struggle with them, and I still do at times in my work. It’s a daily lesson for me.

But I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way and created what I call the “Healthy Boundary Courage Creator.”

You see, the reason we struggle with boundaries is because we believe we’ll get something in return when we give of ourselves that way, and we won’t possibly “reject” someone when we say no.

Do you secretly desire someone will like you if you say yes? That you’ll be accepted and loved if you say yes to them or every opportunity? Take an honest look at this. What is the fear that keeps you holding on to not having boundaries?

It’s these beliefs that keep us in the same pattern. Uncover the belief, and you’ll start creating boundaries for yourself.

When you begin to know you’re complete and whole as you are, you begin to courageously have boundaries – they go hand in hand.

Ready to have boundaries so you feel more energetic and at home with you?

Check out these 4 steps to create healthy boundaries in your life:

  1. Boundaries with technology: Stay off of them 30 min. before you go to bed and after you wake up. You need this time! Be clear about what you’re computer project/intention is before you get on it. Leave your cell phone at home unless you absolutely know you need it – you’ll get out of the reactive mode this way.

  2. Boundaries with time: Set an intention for the time of sleep you know you need and make it happen. Give yourself plenty of time to get somewhere, so you actually arrive a few minutes early. Say no to squeezing lots into your day. Business takes you away from your heart, intuition, calm, creativity, and spirit.
     
  3. Boundaries with friends and family: Be clear with those that abuse you through words or body that that isn’t o.k. Be clear with those that expect you to give more time, energy or commitment to something with what you are willing to give that is healthy for you, and say no when you know it is a no in your heart.
     
  4. Boundaries with work: Notice when you are taking more on than seems healthy because you’re afraid you’ll fail or the money won’t flow. When you are working from fear, it will drain the life out of you. Say no to more projects, and especially the ones that you don’t like. Carve out specific time for yourself.

May you find your own healthy boundaries one day at a time, one step at a time. Share below what boundaries you have trouble with and what you’ve found to be helpful so we can all benefit!

Categories: Heart Centered Living

About the Author: Angela Patnode

My passion, my calling, is for you to be totally you. Through private coaching, in-depth retreats, and online group coaching programs, I help you tap into your intuition and clarify your desires and vision, I guide you to take active steps toward making your desires a reality.

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