You feel it. This sense of knowing that you’re growing/evolving, but your partner is not. Or perhaps in a different direction. You feel it in your stomach, perhaps your heart. Perhaps it emerges as fear. Fear that all that you’ve built together may be lost. That you’re growing apart.
You’ve mentioned it to them – in the words of, “meditation is great, you may like it.” Or “Could you stop complaining about your job?”
You ache for them to experience the same changes you’re experiencing. To feel more peace inside, more joyful, more alive. Yet you don’t know how to tell them this without seeming pushy.
You’re not alone if this is what you’re experiencing in your relationship. It’s common as one person grows/evolves and the other doesn’t. Sometimes people in relationships evolve together because they have the same interest in doing so, and sometimes not.
So what do you do? How do you work with this?
- Take a deep breath. Come back to this moment if your mind is going into the future about whether the relationship will last. You don’t know what will happen, and you’re not in control of how this will unfold.
- Honor your own path. The growth you’ve experienced, the changes in how you feel inside, the interest and excitement you have for growing and evolving. Stay true to your path.
- Get angry. Yell, scream, groan (outside on a trail or in your car is great). Get angry for what is. The truth that you aren’t growing together in the way you’d like.
- Feel your sadness. Once the anger has subsided, allow the sadness to enter your heart. Sadness is important. It’s an acknowledge of the ego that we’re ultimately not in control. It’s an emotion of surrender or letting go into what is. Feel this fully as it comes up.
- Allow and trust. You cannot change anyone else. Ever. You can only shine the light for them through your own changes within. Suggestions can be helpful, but with the openness that they may not choose what you are suggesting, like a meditation class, the More to Life weekend you did, a retreat, a book, or whatever else it is. Trust. Trust that when or if they are ready at some point, the words you’ve said will be heard.
- Non-judgment. Notice when you judge them for not listening to your suggestions, for being in their old story line, for being stressed a lot, for not taking action to do anything about what they’re feeling or experiencing. Remember that you didn’t begin awakening until you were ready. Remember your own path and have patience.
- Listen to your inner wisdom. Through time you will know if the relationship is right for you as you wake up to your own truth and essence. You will know if how they are is o.k. or if it doesn’t work for you any more. But for now, take a deep breath and come back to this moment.
There is no black and white answer to this. Breathe. Listen. Feel. Be in your truth. Patience.