This week has brought conflict and clarity, stress and peace. As humans, we obviously don’t get along with everyone in the world that we meet, work with, play with, are family with, and this is a very real part of the human experience. The gift is how we react to a situation; reaction vs. action or a combination of both. We all have reactive triggers that are set off in certain situations based on what we learned as children or adapted to. They are more commonly ineffective means of communication and typically lead to more conflict.
My habitual reaction is to be passive/aggressive which has some form of avoidance around it as well. What a great combination for success! Don’t you agree? Well, I’ve done a lot of work to be conscious of this – it still comes out, but because I’m conscious in it, I can choose to be different in the situation. The changed me doesn’t always respond actively in the moment, but, wow, have I made progress from what I used to do!!
The last two weeks I have been conversing with someone whom I’ve had conflict with in the past regarding a work situation. We have different perspectives on what is fair or needed in a situation. I had some small reactions, but not what it used to be, and calmly responded, but realized it was steeling my energy away from something that is important to me – my power. This morning I clearly saw the conflict between us was not worth the job, and it was time to move on, that’s the action piece. I knew I wasn’t running away, but empowering myself to get out of an unhealthy situation that had very little reward. I spoke my truth and resigned. Wow, such freedom in that!
My old self would have held on, trying to prove my point, and not let them “win,” but I don’t view life like that anymore. There are no winners and losers in life, just life happening as it is in this moment. By having this perspective, I did not leave with anger or resentment, but a thankful release to freedom and empowerment in who I am.
It’s the ego that wants to hold on to what is not healthy for us, whether it’s a job, relationship, or something else we don’t want to let go of. The ego feels insecure and doesn’t believe that by letting go, life will provide us with exactly what we need. But we prove, fearful of losing, fearful of loss, and feel like we are hitting our head against the wall doing it. Our energy drains day by day, until we are no longer in touch with the realities of life, trusting that life can be amazing if we just listen to our true self – the one that is not insecure, but holds infinite wisdom in all matters.
Take a look at your life, and identify where you are reacting to vs. acting in a situation. Where do you feel drained? Out of balance? What is taking your energy even when you are physically not in the situation? Where is the feeling of “negative” struggle happening? Take a close look and ask yourself if it’s worth staying in it, and if not, take a deep breath, step through your fear of letting go, and trust. There is so much freedom in this for you!
Categories: Conflict & Forgiveness