I got some news I didn’t like. I was pissed. But I didn’t let it show. After all, anger isn’t a nice, lady like thing to show. I don’t get angry. So I reached in the cupboard for a box of cookies.

“Ahhh, that’s better.” I thought. 

And then it happened again. I was pissed. But the box of cookies was all eaten up. What could I eat that had sugar in it? Mmmm, raisins doesn’t quite cut the bill. How about some cocoa with lots of sugar.

“Ahhh, that’s better.” I thought again.

Years this went on. Anger = eating sugar. That’s how I dealt with it. Because anger isn’t something I have. Only people who are angry people have anger. My dad was angry sometimes, but NOT ME.

All of this was unconscious of course. I had no idea I was doing it. I’m now awake to it and know how to work with it.

Here’s the thing – anger is not bad, it’s not wrong, it’s not evil. It just IS. It’s part of being human. 

In saying that, I’m not saying to go get angry all the time and live from that place. You and I both know that being angry all the time doesn’t bring you peace and joy.

BUT if you suppress your anger, deny it, or use it to manipulate, resent, blame, or “get back” at someone with it, then YOU suffer. You feel uncomfortable, you feel angst, you feel angry. 

Whether it’s with clients, participants, or myself, I know that anger is something that almost every person has on some level. And something that can cause a lot of dis-ease if not worked with on a conscious level.

If you are in one of these two categories: suppressing anger and judging those that are angry as being “bad,” or letting it fly and being angry a lot of the time outwardly or through sarcasm, criticism, yelling, blaming, etc. then I have some wonderful tips for you on how to work with it.

• First off – acknowledge this part of being human. Acknowledge that you feel it. Say, “I am angry right now.” The emotions that feel unpleasant like anger, shame, guilt, jealousy, envy, etc. are part of the human experience. When you deny them as part of your experience, you are denying yourself! Carl Jung termed this as our shadow side. 

  You can find your shadow in what you judge others for. I use to judge people for eating so much at a potluck. Holy smokes – when I looked at myself, I was centered around the dessert table. How many more cookies was o.k. to eat without people noticing?
   

• Secondly, feel it in your body. Notice where the anger sits in you – is it your chest, stomach, head, neck? Where do you feel it? 
   
• Third, take a deep breath and be kind with yourself for having it.
   
• Fourth, let it move through your body: yell out loud (by yourself), hit a pillow (more than once), shake your hands and arms (I love this one). LET IT OUT. If you’re someone who gets angry at the drop of hat, then look at the truth of what you’re angry about. Are you resisting WHAT IS – the situation that is “causing” the anger?
   
• Fifth, be kind with yourself for having anger. Over and over and over again. 

Categories: Conflict & Forgiveness