I was catching up with a past client recently, and we were talking about relationships. She said excitedly, “One of the most important things that happened in working with you is that I learned to love myself. I want to bring that to my next relationship. No more relying on someone else to find my own love!”
She stated something that is so key to a healthy relationship that is overlooked and often times not even realized. I know, I did it myself – looked to my partner for having worth in the world. To even remember what that feels like in my body gives me a shudder. Yuck.
There’s a lot out there in the relationship information world, and this is one person’s opinion – and from my own experience.
According to best-selling author and relationship expert Margaret Paul, she states this as the number one reason relationships fail:
So what does it mean to abandon yourself?
Margaret states there are 4 ways we abandon ourselves in a relationship. Read through and check what apply to you.
- Staying in your head and not being present in your body. Avoiding what you’re feeling because it’s too painful or scary to look at.
- You judge yourself. We do this for a really interesting unconscious reason – we hope that if we reject ourselves first, than others won’t reject us. We believe it’s the “right” way to feel and it’s a passive way to control how others feel about us. Interesting… and absolutely not the truth. Judgment of the self leads to depression, anxiety, loneliness, and more. Lots of costs for this one.
- You make your partner responsible for your self-worth. This is soooooo common and a big one. It’s the same conundrum we find ourselves in when eating, consuming, and thinking things outside of ourselves will make us happy. People can’t either – no matter how good the sex is.
- You turn to various addictions. Alcohol, drugs, tv, food, sugar, etc. Using these addictions as a way to tune out the pain of self-judgment and the missing piece of knowing your own self-worth.
Do you see yourself in one or more of these? If so, you’re not alone. AND you don’t have to keep taking these patterns from one relationship to the next.
When you look to the spiritual path, each of these 4 ways you might abandon yourself are addressed. There is an antidote and a way to dissolve all of these and truly come home to YOU.
Want to experience a healthy relationship now or in the future?
Learn self-love and you will. Find out more about coaching with me here.
Ps. This does not override a situation where you’re simply not right for each other, but can lead you to the one that is.
Categories: Health & Happiness, Inner Wisdom & Intuition, Relationships