Being True Isn’t Always Easy

You know when you have life planned to go a certain way or to be a certain way, and then it changes?

“That wasn’t part of the plan!” you scream.

But this time the plan doesn’t change because of something outside of you, but from something your intuition is telling you.

That’s what happened for me this past week.

When I was out on a backpacking trip last summer in the Wind River Mountains of Wyoming, I had an idea, “It would be so great to bring meditation, art, yoga, and people out here for a week! Nature is so powerful.”

So I contacted the outdoor school (NOLS) I spent 17 years instructing for to bring this trip to fruition through my business – they supply the logistics, insurance, gear, and horses, and I bring the people. Perfect.

For 6 months we have been planning, getting everything in place. I’ve been gathering info and pictures to send out to people. In February, I started talking about it in classes and retreats inviting people to come.

There was so much excitement building.

And then last week came – when everything changed.

I started having a tightness in my chest when I thought about the trip. Then I noticed an argument going on in my head that went something like this:

“It’s not the right time”

“Yes, but I’ve been planning this for 6 months. People are counting on me!”

“It’s not the right time”

“What if NOLS is pissed at me? They’ve already put in so much time to make this happen!”

“It’s not the right time”

“What if the people who are interested in coming on this trip don’t trust me anymore?”

“It’s not the right time”

“GO AWAY!!!!!!! – I’m letting people down – they’ll be disappointed!”

“It’s not the right time”

(words in italics are my intuition talking)

“CRAP. This isn’t happening.”

This conversation in my head went on for 5 days. Over and over and over again. Like a broken record. The tightness in my chest became intense, something I haven’t experienced in years.

And then I gave in. I listened. I cried. I screamed. It’s not what I wanted to do, but it’s what I needed to do (similar to when I left my relationship 12 years ago).

Kind of like when you were a kid and someone pulled your arm back behind you until you yelled mercy – that’s what this was like.

“O.K. – O.K.” I said to my intuition (whom I also call spirit). “I’m pissed at you right now, but I’m going to listen and trust – that’s all I can do at this point.”

So this week I cancelled the trip. I let the people know who were interested in doing it that it wasn’t going to happen. I called NOLS and told them to stop moving forward with it. I know that everything is o.k., but when it goes against what I had planned, there’s a lot of fighting involved on the inside! The tightness in my chest? It started to dissolve once I cancelled the trip…and by the next morning I woke up with total peace inside. The argument in my head was completely gone.

My sense is there is something different I’m meant to do this summer. Perhaps a new focus in my business. I don’t know – and that’s the way intuition works… little bread crumbs to follow – no big plan in place like the mind wants it to be, but small steps with a whole lot of trust. I’ve never regretted trusting my intuition, and I’ve always seen later why it told me to do what it was telling me to do.

When you’re having an internal struggle like the one I describe above, it’s your intuition and your “rational” mind at odds with each other. Listen to the still small voice – the one that has few words, but comes from a place of calm. That is the one to trust… even when it’s not the one you want to hear. For more great tips on listening to your intuition, read my blog post “4 top clues to know it’s not your intuition talking.”

Categories: Inner Wisdom & Intuition

About the Author: Angela Patnode

My passion, my calling, is for you to be totally you. Through private coaching, in-depth retreats, and online group coaching programs, I help you tap into your intuition and clarify your desires and vision, I guide you to take active steps toward making your desires a reality.

2 comments to “Being True Isn’t Always Easy

  1. Patrice

    Congratulations on listening and, more importantly, following, your intuition Angela! Not only was it a good thing to do, but it was also a great example for the rest of us to follow! Mahalo nui loa!

    1. angela patnode

      Thanks Patrice! It was hard, but ultimately what’s in line with me and my calling.

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